Things were getting a little crowded in the neighborhood, so I decided to move.
Please make sure you come visit me at my new location by clicking here.
It won’t be the same without you, so stop by and say hi.
Two nights ago, I found myself lying on my mother’s bed, looking at old photo albums.
My daughter so lovingly said, “Mom, you were SO fat!”
Well, she’s right. Ten years ago, I was fat and depressed and heading into a very lonely and uncertain time in my life. Not to mention, I had bad hair.
My first reaction, when looking at the pics, was to just put them away and pretend that that part of my life didn’t exist, but the truth of the matter was that it had.
So, with curiosity, I studied that girl in the photos.
I saw a woman who was overwhelmed and had no idea how to manage her life. I saw a girl who turned to food instead of dealing with her problems. I also saw a woman who was experiencing exactly what she needed to experience to learn her life lessons.
I saw perfection.
Yes, everything that I have experienced has been perfect. My past provided me with the precise lessons that I needed to learn to bring me to this point in my life.
All along, the universe was preparing me for the life I’m living now.
No, I couldn’t see it then because I was too busy complaining and stuffing down my feelings with food, but the moment I decided to stop complaining and start living, my life aligned and it all made perfect sense.
I was able to see how beautiful it all has been – even the darkest moments involving me and the fridge.
Little did I know ten years ago that my experience was actually preparing me to inspire and help other women who are frustrated with their weight, bodies and lives. Had I known that, I might would have been robbed of the experience. But, like I said, it was perfect.
How is your experience perfect? What are the lessons that it’s trying to teach you?
Remember, you cannot access this knowledge unless you stop complaining and start learning.
“I don’t have time” is probably the biggest complaint that I hear from my clients. However, my mom said it so eloquently yesterday in her most Southern voice, “People do what they want to do.”
Telling yourself that you don’t have time is an excuse that is robbing you of reaching your goals. If you suffer from this complaint (and we all do at some point), then consider what you can remove from your plate in 2010 to make room for what’s most important to you.
When it comes to my time, I have this mantra:
If I don’t love it, then I don’t have time for it.
How ofte n do you obsess about the past or worry about the future? Both of which doesn’t exist in this moment.
Living in the moment sounds really woo-woo and almost lazy, but it is anything other than that. When I really focus on what I am doing moment by moment, my productivity increases, my mind settles, and life seems so effortless.
So, how do you do something like live in the moment? It’s really simple, actually, but it takes LOTS of practice.
When you work, work.
When you play, play.
When you exercise, exercise.
When you eat, eat.
When you read, read.
When you are with your kids or family, be with them.
Whoever you are with or whatever you are doing, give it your full attention without judgment or criticism.
One of the most beautiful and life changing gifts that you can give yourself (and those around you) is the gift of presence.  ; When you find your mind wandering, simply notice and come back to the present. This is where your life exist.
3. Quality foods
Would you use water downed vegetable oil in your brand new Lexus as fuel?
Of course not!
You would probably use the upgraded #93 fuel to run your new toy.
Treat your body like that new Lexus. Upgrade your foods.
Our bodies love nutritious, whole foods. In return, our weight stabilizes, our joy increases, and we are much more efficient human beings.
Every cell of our body is impacted by what we eat, drink, and breath. When given the opportunity, choose to fuel your brilliant body with the best fuel you can afford and find.
(By the way, you wouldn’t overfill the gas tank either, so learn to fuel your body with what it needs, not what your mind or heart wants. BIG difference!)
Did you know that laughing increases circulation, boosts the immune system, invigorates the brain and decreases stress hormones?
My personal belief is that our society is WAY too deficient of good ole’ laughter.
When was the last time you really laughed? I’m talking about tears-rolling-down-the-cheeks-belly laughter?
Maybe it’s time to visit a comedy club, rent a good comedy, or join a laughter club (yes, they do exist) and allow yourself to relax long enough for a good ROFLMAO scene.
Yes, the dreaded “E” word is actually one of THE best gifts you can give yourself. Our bodies love, love, love to move. When we stop moving, we start decaying, so find something you love to do that requires movement.
It does not necessarily have to take place in a gym. In fact, the French are very active, and it&rs quo;s almost impossible to find a gym in many of the villages. So, garden, walk, dance, stretch or play a sport. Just get that booty movin!
Anger, resentment, guilt and sadness are often signs that we need to forgive ourselves and others.
When we forgive, we really unlock a whole new way of being in the world because we aren’t lugging around all those heavy emotions.
I recently saw the powerful act of forgiveness in one of my clients. I’ll call her Alice. Alice was over 200 pounds, and during our first two sessions all she could talk about was how upset she was that she had allowed herself to “get fat.”
Alice needed to forgive herself in order to move beyond the anger and create her most amazing body.
Part of forgiveness is understanding what was to be learned from the event and then removing the lesson from the pain and letting everything else go.
Alice discovered that her weight had taught her that she needed to get connected to her body, develop self-love and learn her true power. She wrote a letter to the weight thanking it for teaching her the lessons she was meant to learn and then she wrote herself a letter of forgiveness.
Alice has lost twenty pounds since forgiving herself.
I am SO amazed at what people can do when someone is looking over their shoulder. Having a person to report to and check in with keeps you operating at a higher level than you would on your own. That’s why we have bosses, and that’s why I will always have a coach.
Needing accountability is not a character flaw or sign of weakness. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s a signal to the universe that you are willing to play a bigger game in your life.
Support is defined as, “the act of bearing the weight of or strengthening.”
Life needs support.
Notice how nature supports itself. The soil holds and nourishes the trees. The tree houses the nests. The nests hold the birds. Support is necessary for nature to work optimally.
Humans are no different. We need support, especially during times of change.
If you want to step up in your life and stop living behind excuses and negative beliefs, then give yourself the gift of support, something or someone that &l dquo;holds and strengthens” you.
Support can come in many forms: books, friends, courses, coaches, therapists, music, etc.
As a coach, the support I offer my clients changes during the relationship. Sometimes, I am more of the holder: holding their dreams and visions in a safe place. At other times, I am their strengthener: giving them the strength to believe in themselves. I don’t see them through their negative beliefs. Instead, I see them through a very clear lens that sees only their potential.
If you are wanting to play a bigger game, then seek out the support that will hold and strengthen you.
If you have children or were ever a child yourself, then you have probably experienced a time-out. It’s that temporary pause and removal from an event. It’s quite powerful after the screaming stops.
As an adult, however, I like to give myself the gift of a time-in. This is when the world seems to be going SO super fast and my plate is a tad bit full, and I choose to stop and go within. It’s my way of turning off the head chatter so that I can see things more clearly.
I may take a ten minute time-in or an entire day, depending on my priorities, but time-ins help me stay sane and actually increase my productivity. A typical time in for me may include reading a good book, a stroll through the woods, a hot bath, massage, yoga or just wrapping up in a blanket and doing absolutely nothing.
The next time your world is spinning, instead of trying to keep up, simply step off the roller coaster for awhile and take a time-in.
10. Investment in Yourself
Over the past several years, I have come to realize the power and beauty of investing in yourself. You are your very best commodity. Your health, emotional well being and intellect will serve you in all areas of your life.
In this economy, I have witnessed the hesitation and fear that people are experiencing around the decision to invest in their own success. I have also personally experienced the transformation and opportunity that comes from overcoming fear and investing in my health and business.
If I had to place money on you or the stock market, my money is going on YOU!
The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. -Goethe
I e-mailed my coach yesterday to inform her that I wanted 2010 to be my best year ever.
She gave me one simple instruction: DECIDE.
Wow! That’s it?, I thought.
However, interesting things started to happen when I finally stopped thinking about it and decided out loud that 2010 was going to be my best year ever.
-The first thing I noticed was this giddy excitement in the pit of my stomach.
-My posture became more erect.
-I felt light.
-Creative ideas began to flow immediately.
-I wrote eight pages of stuff.
-I was so intense and focused that I forgot to eat.
-I organized and cleaned my office.
-I had five prospective clients contact me.
-I had my best workout in weeks.
-l had SO much fun with my daughter.
-I had this instant state of contentment even though NOTHING had changed.
Decision is powerful. Tony Robbins once said, “[Decision] gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.” When you decide, you begin to change immediately.”
When you decide, you stop thinking about the problem and go into solution mode.
When you decide, you instantly have focus and things begin to shift to accommodate your desires.
When you decide, your internal world begins to align with the external world.
When you decide, you begin to take inspired action instead of reacting to your life.
When you decide, you claim what is already yours.
When you decide, each day is about recommitting to your decision.
What do you want in 2010?
A healthier body? More money? Better relationships? More fun? A better job? A successful business?
Now, the next step it to DECIDE.
This is the time of the year when many people decide to go on yet another strict diet, since the last one, and the one before that, and the one before that didn’t work. Well, I’m like a dog with a muzzle trying to bark here, and I must share with you why you may want to consider going “Diet-Free” in 2010.
1. Diets don’t work
Report after report has shown that diets simply don’t work. Only 5% of dieters keep the weight off. Even worse, those who go on diets usually gain more weight than when they started.
2. Dieting Sucks
In my opinion, there is no other way to put it other than dieting sucks. There is nothing fun about drinking three shakes a day, depriving yourself of foods you enjoy or keeping a detailed analysis of every morsel you put into your mouth.
Personally, I enjoy a glass of wine at night and an occasional piece of chocolate. What about you? Are you really willing to give up those little indulgences for good?
If that’s your thing, then great, but I just can’t go back there.
My grandmother used to say the following about relationships, and I think the same can be applied to our eating patterns: “Start out like you can hold out.” If you don’t intend to eat less than fifty grams of carbs a day forever, then you might want to reconsider trying to lose weight that way. (BTW, there is a better way!)
3. Diets Induce Famine Brain
As someone who has tried every diet under the sun before I finally came to my senses, I know that if I go on a diet, I will inevitably end up engaging in a midnight pantry raid.
The reason that diets backfire is that when we deprive ourselves our brains think that we are experiencing a famine. It has no idea that we are riding around in our SUV’s with unlimited access to food. It just knows that less food is on its way.
So, what does a brain do when it fears a famine? It makes it really, really difficult to sustain deprivation, and before you know it, we are back to our old ways.
4. Diets are External
Human beings don’t like being told what to do. But, when we depend on externalities to control us, we give over our own power. Ultimately, we rebel.
Everything that we need to live at our ideal body weight is within us. Our bodies our the best expert.
Sure, there is great advice on the market. In fact, my bookshelf is full of nutrition books. It’s great stuff if it works for me. If not, then I disregard.
Ultimately, you must decide what is your truth by experimenting with what works for your unique and brilliant body, and low-carb, high protein may not be it.
5. Diets Don’t Deal with the Problem
You can lose fifty pounds, get a six pack and wear a size four, but if you don’t deal with the problem of why you were overweight in the first place, the weight will most likely reappear, OR you will live struggling to keep it off, and as someone who has done that too, it’s no fun.
Please don’t take this blog as a reason to abandon a healthy lifestyle and eat whatever, whenever you choose.
It’s not like that either.
Living consciously and staying connected to your body is THE best way to reach your ideal body weight.
Instead of bandaging over the problem with another strict plan, let 2010 be the year that you take your body back, diet free style.
What do you think? Have diets worked for you long-term?
It seems like many of the self-help gurus have the “BIG wake up call,” the grand epiphany or the message in the bottle instructing them to change their ways.
It was not like that for me. Instead, it was hearing myself, day after day, say things like, “Man, this sucks,” and “God, there’s gotta be more than this.” These thoughts were accompanied by feelings of disgust and hopelessness around my body, food and my life.
However, you may know the routine. We say that we’re disgusted and fed up, but we don’t do a darn thing about it. We stay in that constant state of stuckness.
Well, I realized that I had to do something different, so my moment came when I made a choice to live my life differently.
Yep, it was just a choice that catapulted me into a very unfamiliar place, and:
-I didn’t know what was next
-I was scared.
When you decide to make changes in your life, you go to a place I refer to as the In- Between. It’s that awkward place of uncertainty and chaos. For my weight loss clients, it’s the time between when they make a choice to work with meand reaching their ideal weight. For a smoker, it’s that time between deciding to stop and actually becoming a non-smoker. For the newly divorced woman, it’s between the decision to divorce and learning how to live single again.
The In-Between is basically the time between the point of a major decision and the place where you take on a new identity.
Now, this may sound a bit woo-woo for some of you. I get it. I’m not really a woo-woo kind of girl, but just hear me out on this one. Understanding how to navigate the in-between can change your life.
1. It starts with an event and/or decision
Linda had a heart attack at the age of forty-two.
Linda entered the in-between. She decided that living reactively and unconsciously in life was going to most likely kill her, and she really didn’t want to die, so she decided that she was going to change.
Sometimes entering the in-between is not because of a life-threatening event, but because you are really fed up with tolerating or settling for a less than stellar life.
The act of deciding is powerful and sets things into motion.
2. It is SO uncomfortable
As destructive as our habits can be, they are very familiar, and we tend to do what we know, even if it means stuffing ourselves until we are physically miserable. It’s a misery we know. We don’t know how to deal with the uncomfortable feelings of NOT doing it.
So, when you decide to change, it’s going to feel very strange and uncomfortable because it’s new territory. In fact, I’m not going to lie; it’s going to be down right hard sometimes, both physically and emotionally.
But, just knowing ahead of time to expect discomfort will help you navigate through the uncertain waters of change.
3. It’s temporary
The in-between is temporary. In fact, each moment is temporary.
This idea that our lives are fixed is a fallacy. It only feels that way when we continue to do the same things over and over again and keep getting the same results.
Where you are now is temporary. My grandmother used to always say, “This too shall pass.” It always passes.
Everything, whether we label it good or bad, will transition to the next moment, so don’t fear permanency because it doesn’t exist.
4. Don’t try to get through the in between
The one mistake that I see people make over and over again is to try and hurry up to get “there.” However, there is no “there.” There is only “here.”
Instead of visualizing the in-between as a physical place, try to imagine that it is a state of being. As you begin to dissolve limiting beliefs, take action and transition into a new stage, the in-between dissolves, and you’ll find yourself right here, where you’ve always been.
The difference is that you will have new tools and a new way of being in the world that doesn’t live by false limitations. You’ll see the world through clean, fresh lens.
When you try to rush through the in-between, two things generally happen. First, you become extremely frustrated because your mind has fooled you into thinking that life will be better when you get there, so you keep putting off living your life fully now. Second, you miss out on your life and the lessons that it’s trying to deliver in each moment.
The only way to live is to live in the “here.”
5. The in-between is full of limiting beliefs
I have SO much weight to lose. I’ll never get there.
I can’t run.
I am disgusting.
I don’t have control.
Blah, blah, blah….
These are thoughts I hear all the time from my clients, and they are ones that I know all too well personally.
Here’s what you need to know about these nasty little mind messages: they are LIES!!!
However, we all have them. It’s what you do with them that counts.
So, when it comes to limiting beliefs, you have several options:
a. Believe it
b. Ignore it
c. Disprove it
d. Change it
Personally, if a thought feels bad, I know it’s not my truth. So, sometimes, I just ignore it, and say to myself, “There’s another one,” and get on with my day.
Sometimes, though, I can’t just ignore it. Maybe it hits a deep rooted nerve, or I need to prove to myself that it’s not true, so I go out and seek evidence against it. The interesting thing is that I can ALWAYS find evidence against it, just like I can always find evidence for it.
Beyond disproving a belief is the act of changing it. The Buddha said, “What we think, we become,” so finding beliefs that support who you want to become will change your life.
Do you want to be overweight, sad and lonely? Then, take a look at your beliefs. When you change those, your world will change.
6. The In-Between is perfect but it’s NOT for perfectionists
I know. It’s a paradox. Again, hear me out.
When I accepted my circumstances as perfect, I began to see all kinds of neat opportunities that I would have never seen had I been spending my time and energy arguing with my life.
A personal example was when I began to consider that my struggles with food and weight were perfect, I was able to extract the lessons that they were meant to teach me. In previous years, I had spent so much energy arguing with what was, that I was not able to move forward. Yes, I felt stuck.
However, on the flip side, you must give up your need to be perfect while residing in perfection. Trying to “be” perfect prevents you from taking imperfect action and moving forward in your life.
I like to think of the in-between as your college years without the sorority and frat parties. It’s when you are learning, growing and discovering who you are. It’s okay to screw up. In fact, you will, so stop trying not to. Just grasp the lesson and move on.
Here’s the way I see it: each imperfect action is perfect because it is your teacher and guide.
7. The In-Between can be lonely
People generally don’t like change, especially when those around them are transforming.
I can’t tell you how many times I heard some version of “who do you think you are.”
Those people had decided to no longer be on my team, and that was okay. Again, it was perfect because I learned.
When you decide to live your life consciously, you are going to find your elevator empty as you ascend to the next stage in life. It can be lonely. But, the elevator doors will open, and you will find the most extraordinary people jumping on to advance with you.
8. It can be FUN
When I started creating my ideal life, I found it to be fun, in a scary-I-don’t-know-what-the-hell-I’m-doing sort of way.
However, when you understand the previous seven principles of the In-Between, you can begin to let go and enjoy your life right now.
Honestly, when I stopped trying SO hard, let go of attempting to get somewhere other than where I was and began to look at each moment as an opportunity to learn and grow, my life EXPLODED with joy and opportunity, and yes…lots of fun!
The In-Between is constantly occurring in your life – in your family, health, career, friendships, spirituality and community. Lives are cyclical, not linear.
When you accept the In-Between stage of life as part of living, with all of its chaos and uncertainty, you give yourself the gift of growth and expansion, and before you know it, you are right “here” again.
Well, I certainly have.
Here’s an example of how it goes:
Someone says something and you think a thought. The thought causes a negative emotion. From that emotion, you think another crappy thought, and the emotion builds. Then, another thought pops up, and the emotion gets even stronger.
This process can continue until you have a full blown nervous breakdown or you want to hurt someone really, really badly. Neither response is ideal.
It’s like turning down a one-way street to Badville, the town of nasty emotions. The longer you drive, the stronger the emotions become. If you keep driving, you’ll end up downtown where the streets are confusing, the people are unfriendly and it’s difficult to find your way out.
So, when I’ve noticed that I have turned down the wrong one-way street, I attempt to get the hell out as soon as I notice where I’m heading. I throw my mental car in reverse and drive to a safe place where I can examine what’s really going on, because if I allow myself to drive all the way to Badville, I know I’ll be there for a while, and it’s not a place that I want to be hanging out.