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The Perfect Past

January 4, 2010

Two nights ago, I found myself lying on my mother’s bed, looking at old photo albums.

My daughter so  lovingly said, “Mom, you were SO fat!”

Well, she’s right.  Ten years ago, I was fat and depressed and heading into a very lonely and uncertain time in my life.  Not to mention, I had bad hair.

My first reaction, when looking at the pics, was to just put them away and pretend that that part of my life didn’t exist, but the truth of the matter was that it had.

So, with curiosity, I studied that girl in the photos.

I saw a woman who was overwhelmed and had no idea how to manage her life.  I saw a girl who turned to food instead of dealing with her problems.  I also saw a woman who was experiencing exactly what she needed to experience to learn her life lessons.

I saw perfection.

Yes, everything that I have experienced has been perfect. My past provided me with the precise lessons that I needed to learn to bring me to this point in my life.

All along, the universe was preparing me for the life I’m living now.

No, I couldn’t see it then because I was too busy complaining and stuffing down my feelings with food, but the moment I decided to stop complaining and start living, my life aligned and it all made perfect sense.

I was able to see how beautiful it all has been – even the darkest moments involving me and the fridge.

Little did I know ten years ago that my experience was actually preparing me to inspire and help other women who are frustrated with their weight, bodies and lives.  Had I known that, I might would have been robbed of the experience.  But, like I said, it was perfect.

How is your experience perfect?  What are the lessons that it’s trying to teach you?

Remember, you cannot access this knowledge unless you stop complaining and start learning.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. January 4, 2010 3:50 pm

    Oh, Tonya, this is so poignant and true for me, too! I used to look at old pictures of myself and be so embarrassed — constantly judging the little girl or the woman they showed. Now I can see that person and just want to give her a hug and tell her she’s perfect just the way she is and that everything’s going to be OK (as well as offering up a little spark of appreciation that I am now who I am and not who I was then — that the pain and uncertainty of those times has passed.) It really does all start with loving who we are, where we’ve been, and being grateful for the perfection of it all!

    Thank you, Tonya — you always offer me wisdom and something to think about!

    • January 4, 2010 4:11 pm

      Lynn- Give that little girl a BIG hug from me as well. She brought you to this place where our paths have crossed. Now, that’s PERFECT!!!

  2. January 7, 2010 12:50 am

    Beautifully written. It’s hard to believe that difficult times are fertile ground for growth – if we’re willing to observe and understand our part in it. Thanks for sharing so eloquently.

    • January 12, 2010 5:48 pm

      Hey Patricia- Thank you. It took me a long time to appreciate the lessons that are buried in my challenges, but when you do, then even the challenges become easier. xo

  3. July 15, 2010 4:34 pm

    Fantastic that you are able to use your past to benefit you and others. I’m trying to do that. Somedays I get it and somedays I still get frustrated. I just got kicked in the teeth or in my head a long time ago and had to have spine surgery so I’m back to ground zero trying to figure out how this is going to help me and others.

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