Acceptance does NOT Equal Permanence

 

There seems to be some major confusion going on about acceptance versus permanence.  It has recently occurred to me that many people think that by accepting their current reality is to give up on things ever changing.  To them, acceptance is like throwing in the towel; the official “I’m done.” 

 

Most of us were never taught the power of acceptance.  

 

However, defying reality only causes more pain and chaos and keeps you stuck in what seems to be a permanent state.   Let me explain why.

 

Since I am a weight loss coach, I am going to speak about weight, but you can apply this same concept to any area of your life, whether it is money, relationships, or career.

 

First, let’s look at the non-acceptance approach and see how it works.

 

A woman looks in the mirror and despises what she sees.  She zeroes in on every imperfection that she can find.  She notices the least little ripple in her skin or the more obvious bumps.  She focuses on everything that she thinks is wrong with her body.

 

She looks around her closet and focuses on the heaviness of her physique (which, by the way, does not compare to the heaviness of her heart.)  The clothes hanging in her closet are a constant reminder of what she use to be and what she thinks she is not now.  She continues to pinch, slap, and jiggle her extra tissue as if physical manipulation is somehow going to make it disappear.  

 

From this place, she decides that she is going to go on a diet.  She is going to initiate a war within her own body, because any action that is taken from this stance – self-loathing and non-acceptance – is not going to be from a compassionate and tender place.  It’s going to be hard.  Really, really hard.  But, that’s OK.  It will get the weight off, or so she thinks.

 

The woman embarks on 1000 calories a day regimens with no carbs, no fats, no dairy, no gluten, no sugar or anything that might provide some pleasure.  Her belief is that in order to lose weight, she must avoid all foods pleasurable.  This only adds to her pain.  The extra drama includes a fitness program that would make the Navy Seals bootcamp feel like Disney World.  But, she has no choice.  She is NOT accepting her body.  She is going to beat it into submission.

 

The the first couple hours of her prescribed plan, she’s OK, but then her body starts working against the program.  The body doesn’t want to experience such drastic measures, and it sure as heck doesn’t want to work with someone so extraordinarily intolerant of it, so the head games begin, battling it out. She tries really, really hard, but it’s too exhausting.  

 

After hours, days, and maybe even months of trying to will her body into submission, she finally gives in.  This is when you will usually find her curled up on the sofa with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and battle scars all over her soul, wandering what went wrong.

 

This is how non-acceptance works in the real world.  

 

Now, let’s take look at a rather radical and polarizing approach: acceptance.  This may seem as foreign as aliens to the professional dieter – especially those of you (including myself here) who have tried the Master Cleanse, Cabbage Soup Diet, or any depriving program – but let’s just give it a whirl.

 

A woman looks in the mirror and notices her smile.  She’s always liked her smile.  She glances down and notices that she has a bit of cellulite, but she tells herself that most women do and that it’s possible to decrease or even eliminate.  She looks around her closet and notices all the clothes that feel good on her body.   She wraps her arms around herself and whispers, “I’m going to take really good care of you today.”

 

She then feels a grumble in her tummy and proceeds to the kitchen to prepare a delicious breakfast of whole grain waffles, fruit, and a glass of whole milk.  Yeah, she’s heard that dairy is bad for you, especially the full-fat variety, but she also is connected with her body and she knows that when she drinks a small amount of milk in the morning, she feels fabulous.  

 

She eats, leaving half the waffle on her plate because she is so satisfied, and she knows that she can have more later if she desires.  She can also have a cookie, chocolate or a steak.  This knowing causes her to relax around food, not devour it like a hyieanna coming off of a long, cold winter.  

 

This woman is excited about what her body is transforming into.  She is accepting it as it is today with the knowing that it will not be the same tomorrow or the next day.

 

Our bodies (and our lives) are forever changing.  We are all energy that is continuously flowing.  When we fight with our reality through non-acceptance, we are blocking the energetic flow of the universe.  

 

This is why dieter’s get stuck in a negative cycle of gaining and losing.  They continuously focus on what they don’t want – the weight.  They are afraid that if they accept their wonderful bodies as they are now, it will never change.  However, the opposite is true.  If they will trust the divine intelligence of the universe and understand that very few things in life are permanent – including weight – then acceptance may come easier.  

 

Permanence is rigid.  It does not bend.  It breaks easily.  It is a block to creativity.  This mindset stands between you and your ideal body.  Think of things that we deem as permanent – death and, well, come to think of it, nothing in life is permanent, except maybe Sharpie’s.  

 

When you believe in permanence, you lose.  You believe things won’t change.  And then you spend your time fighting with reality, and as Byron Katie says, “To argue with reality is to argue with God, and you only lose 100% of the time.”

 

But, acceptance….acceptance is love. It allows for transformation. It fuels positive energy.  It flows.  It puts you at peace with yourself, and peaceful people don’t stuff down their feelings with food, and if they do, they know that it isn’t permanent. The next moment is an opportunity to start over.  

 

Self-acceptance causes you to be an ally with yourself, instead of your worst enemy.  When our bodies and minds work together, amazing things happen.

 

Acceptance means that you accept the now but you are also excited about what is to come, not afraid of what the future holds.

 

Acceptance allows for growth, change, flexibility, opportunities, and  the body of your dreams to emerge.

 

So, don’t be fooled.  Acceptance  is actually the opposite of permanence.